DISSAPEARING MEMORY>>>> NOW!!!
07.26.04 (9:56 am) [edit]its a powerful feeling to wake up one day and realise that you are alive. you are inhabiting a human body and that you have to behave.
i dont know if it was a single incident or a huge fiasco that brought me down to earth (in a figurative way) that day.
its not that i dont remember anything from before but the sensation of being inside a body and not knowing what happened a day ago is powerful..
anyway... now that i have done my good deed for the day and reunited two friends who knew each other ages ago i will continure... i didn't get very far before with what i wanted to say
anyway... the major thing that happened that i can tell is that i had an operation on my neck about three months before when i can remember. i have had dreams about stayng in hospital overnight but as i know from my last trip under the operating theatres spell there is not much to remember... just a good dream as far as i can tell... i wonder if i had something happen during that time... whether i had swelling on a certain part of my brain... whether they bumped my brain stem and caused soemthing to happen... the thing is that as far as i can tell my personality didn't change much because my parents dont remember anything much changing in that department.
as i said before it was not like everything about me changed... i was still afraid of the same things. i still liked to eat the same foods according to my parents. anyway, i dont think that people would actually notice the difference. i just want to know cause it is bothering me... ahhh... anyway... im over it... im going to post this and think about another topic.
posted by: dancingbarefoot (reply)
post date: 07.25.04 (9:00 pm)
Hey you changed your layout! Very nice, and much more pleasing to look at than the last one!
And yes, it is a beautiful feeling to realise that you are alive. Not just living, but ALIVE in every sense of the word. To appreciate everything around you,a nd to feel it within you.
Hope you're happy!
posted by: Gertrude (reply)
post date: 07.26.04 (10:28 pm)
I don't think that if you did have a bump on the head that it did any real damage.
A study done in Germany last year showed that 4 years post-trauma, children who had TBI:
*showed lowel educational levels than healthy children (which is most certainly not true in your case!)
*Experienced more medical problems
*Were plagued by fatigue & lack of concentration as well as restlessness, hyperactivity & sleep problems
*Cognitive mapping skills were impaired
*however, spatial skills were generally functionally restituted
However, it all depends on your age at the time.
So rest assured.....Im sure you're perfectly normal..well not normal because normal has no set definition, but you know what I mean!
posted by: ansell (reply)
post date: 07.26.04 (10:35 pm)
Reply to: dancingbarefoot
yeah.. i thought a new layout was needed. too many people were telling me the other one was bad.
and yes i do love the feeling of being alive. it makes being here so much more enjoyable.
posted by: ansell (reply)
post date: 07.26.04 (11:00 pm)
Reply to: Gertrude
well... now that i know what TBI stands for (Traumatic Brain Injury) i can reply.
thing is i dont think it was traumatic injury... i have read a little bit about stress related memory loss and it definitely sounds more like that than an injury.
thanks for that little piece of info though... i would probably never have gotten it otherwise... ;)
posted by: Gertrude (reply)
post date: 07.27.04 (12:12 am)
Reply to: ansell
Do you mean suppressive or repressive memory?? Like either you consciously suppress an unpleasant event, or your subconscious does it for you?
Like I can't remember anything about my home life when my parents were breaking up except one particular day..the rest of those years are a total blank. I had no control over forgetting those years..it was just something my brain did to protect itself.
Is that sort of what you think may have happened to you?
posted by: ansell (reply)
post date: 07.27.04 (4:47 am)
Reply to: Gertrude
i think it must be repressive... kind of like that... its still amazing that i could wake up one day and start off the rest of my life... like i haven't had a repressive day since. i remember things from ages ago... like i do forget specifics but not weeks or months or years.
maybe it was just my brain protecting my upper thought processes by letting me forget about it.
posted by: ScarlettGKPi (reply)
post date: 07.29.04 (5:37 pm)
that's interesting to think that whatever happened might have had an impact, however slight, on you as a person. Mmmm
posted by: ansell (reply)
post date: 07.31.04 (5:25 am)
Reply to: ScarlettGKPi
mmm... surprisingly enough i think i had my psyche pretty well developed by then. my older sis thinks i became very apprehensive to her but i think she is dreaming... i am sure i was always like that. ;)
i think that its helpful for everyone to go back into their past when they are ready and see if they can piece things together. thanks for the comment.. sorry i haven't commented on yours lately... it is hard to comment when i dont relate to any of it... i am praying for you as you go through doing it though... im sure everyone is keeping you in mind as you do it too.
