browser wars
08.26.04 (11:06 pm) [edit]well... its not exactly a war... more a campaign to tell people why they are not experiencing the internet how they should. by pure chance i went into Internet Explorer tonight and found that my blog page does not load correctly... ie. the links are not supposed to be trapped at the bottom. i was not aware of this when i was developing this morning. i only use firefox and the page renders perfectly in that. i do think that people are at a huge disadvantage by staying with IE. microsoft is not likely to care about the humble person on the other end as long as they get money for their software, or in the case of IE... as long as they dont discover the real internet on another browser. anyway... dont come complaining to me because my page doesn't work... its not my fault... tell Micro$oft about it. on that note i shall go to sleep where i belong at this time!!! and just a reminder to visit my new blog at blogspot. I shall be using that as my main blog from now on... tata!!!
turning to a more reliable blogging site until tblog gets its act together
08.26.04 (2:57 pm) [edit]i have established another blogging account here and plan to use it for most if not all of my posting in the future. tblog is cool as you get lots of interaction but it is a really really dodgy site overall. it is up probably half of the time that i want to use it and thats not acceptable. i have however translated the template that i am using for my blogspot account into rough tblog terms so dont be surprised that they both look almost identical. well... ciao for now... i am actually wasting time when i should be doing assignments so i will go now.
immunity as a contravention of justice
08.25.04 (11:15 am) [edit]immunity is one of the worst yet most accepted ways to contravene justice. how can you for instance do this...
"Military prosecutors had argued against a grant of immunity for the two men and several others, saying that they are themselves being investigated for possible prosecution, and a grant of immunity would likely make it more difficult to bring charges against them. But Pohl, who seemed sympathetic to the defense request, dismissed that reasoning, saying that Davis's right to a fair trial took precedence over the government's interest in prosecuting Jordan and Pappas."
http://www.iht.com/articles/535618.html" title="http://www.iht.com/articles/535618.html" target="_blank"http://www.iht.com/articles/5...
The case is saying that the soldier who committed the abuse is more accountable than his superiors. This may be the standard definition of accounatability in the US but it does not fit with me. The superior officers are appealing to get off scot free by putting the soldier to the stake. How gutless must these Americans be?? Don't get me wrong, I know lots of good americans but I dont know any americans in power who are truthful... pretty much in anything. I think the whole political situation in america right now is farcical. Thats one of the main reasons I dont comment on it. Accordingly since Howard is following them so closely we tend to be on the same line which is a shame because Howard is more intelligent than that.
This is a pretty annoying episode since it is just going to degrade whatever reputation they were getting back in the general world community but i guess i shouldn't think that they care. They are a superpower... its "us against them" in more ways then one. Who cares if they are hypocritical in their ways. The officer with the connections up in the legal system gets through once again. It is funny how a system that without corruption could work so well, yet with corruption is failing so badly.
happiness
08.22.04 (12:50 pm) [edit]what to do... what to do... i cant help doing this... i haven't written much in the last two weeks. i have been too occupied getting to know people again. even though i am not being fanatical about my personality type i think it is cool that i am able to understand people so much better now. for instance i am not worried that many people who i meet dont talk to me much because they see me as arrogant and too good for them. i am not really, i just expect that people can always improve. this conflicts with people who dont have any desire to improve themselves. i see these people to be the most arrogant really. i know that people like me (aka. INTJ peoples) have intentions behind what we do. i see that are vitally important. for instance. people like this will tend to gloss over details that i am forever writing on in here.
anyway... im not too worried about the rest of the world. as far as i can tell they all think i am weird and thats how i like it.
i have been thinking over what i could possibly do for the rest of my life that would not leave me bored. i have a feeling that philosophy would actually leave me unsatisfied because progress is way too slow. psychology has progress at a decent pace. information technology research would be interesting too although i am not sure that i would like it for long enough. i want a job where people dont get bogged down in little definitions like philosophers do. thought is good but systems are better. complex interactions are better than trying to define the concrete parts of out world. i can leave others to be worried about that stuff.
some people find it more than just highly annoying that i can discern motives faster than most and catch onto concepts faster than others. for instance, i will be in a group conversation and someone will say something and i will get the concept and run with it but neglect to verbalise the whole pattern that i used to arrive at my conclusion. this will leave them feeling disorientated since i am not one for small talk (i will go through entire methods when i am teaching someone something but it is a bit tiresome to teach everyone something when i have thoughts that are being bottled up in my head). anyway, they will ask a question and spend the next five minutes reviewing background on the topic and confirming steps in between before i can continue with the initial thought that i had on the topic.
it is extremely invigorating to be in a group of people where i am either not the only one or i am actually one of the slower people (not all that often this happens). i am extremely interested in harmless word plays or wordplays that muck with peoples minds in a non-serious type way. i dont like mucking with peoples minds if i think that they wont be able to handle it or that they will be damaged by it but... if i think that they are either that naive that it wont sink in anyway or i have a genuine thought that they will get improvement from me saying something then i have no qualms about saying things. i pity people who have to have specific premade decisions for these type of situations. i guess the one good thing that you could say about them is that they wont be hypocritical. the actual levels of their decisions are very low though. i dont rely on rules for my decision making, or at least not set in concrete rules. analysis of a problem is one of the most important skills that i have developed in my life. i was actually telling kristin and chris last night that i thought everyone should do systems analysis and design (at least in a not information technology specific way) because it develops thought patterns. true most of the information technology students around this place aren't the type to actually get a whole heap out of it. even the teacher we had for the second part was not really that up on process. i guess he has been working in the information technology area for so long that he only knows specifics now. the science students are actually the most interesting people around. as forward as some of them are with their concept of truth in every situation some of them have developed some skills that are independent of their high class physics skills so they can interpret other situations and gain alot out of the particular situation they are in.
i get really annoyed with people who just stew on information without coming to conclusions or at least using their knowledge. this will be both highly enlightening to people because they are actually quite like me and may seem aloof to some whereas people at least see part of me as long as i have respect for them. many many people seem to take my absolute lack of respect for many people to be hatred and anger and are constantly trying to tell me that i should talk to them about it and deal with it. unlike these people who are always stewing it seems, i think that i can deal with things and still not have respect for people who do these things. i find no sympathy in going to someone who quite obviously hasn't developed and saying to them "hey... what can you do to hurt me today" id rather just not talk at all than have to talk to these people. luckily there aren't many of these people in my close surroundings here at college. there are a few and i think that they are pretty much common enemies of most people in the group who hang around because of one of two acquaintances or because they are womanisers who actually think what they are doing is normal. i think in one way that it is funny that so many females are blinded by "love" in situations where they are given lots of attention. personally i just let them do what they want to do and if they get over the person than at least i know a bit more about their personality. on the other hand, if they get in too deep and "cant get out" then what am i to do anyway. there are people around who can help people in situations like this.
i am more reserved about actually giving out opinions on people. i make opinions quite fast and with some people they can turn solid quite quickly. i do not think of it as turning judgement on someone in a normal sense since i dont tell people about it (thats what i diary is for). it is still judgement though because i act differently around some people. i dont want to verbalise my feelings to all but the closest people and when these people dont verbalise anything back or dont catch what i am saying then i get discouraged and tend to slow communication down and hold in too many things. i have learnt where to put these things though. in the place where i feel most comfortable. to myself. there is not doubt about it. i feel most comfortable talking to myself about things of consequence. anyone else and you will not have the entire logic stream that you can have thinking over soemthing to yourself. i must admit that there are times for talking to people about things and i recognise that since others have different viewpoints but when people try to reach a group consensus for a problem i am not as comfortable. its not that i dont think a truth exists, or even that truth is dependent on the person but rather that without links in the chain the result that i have obtained might mean nothing to someone else yet. group consensus to me seems to have elements of getting people to levels unnaturally and that they will fall back to where they really are after anyway. i would rather lead people up (or be led up as the case sometimes may be). people must learn to have a certain level of autonomy.
i dont sympathise at all with people who say that "someone else gives me happiness". i think they are absolutely delusional. the main reason i neglected to follow through with one particular thing last year was due to my lack of understanding of myself. i know when most people are lying (at least after a reasonable amount of time around them). i do not always make it known that i realise this though. i think that peoples true nature can be derived from many things. people who dont focus on what is deeper will not understand this for themselves. i find too many people who care too much about my happiness but not enough about what i really need. it is hard for me to describe what i really need but constant reevaluations as well as not dredging up things from the past are probably the best way. i take people i have respect for as different all the time. for instance my closest and longest friends would have to do many many more stupid things before i lost any respect for them. i think that by knowing peoples weaknesses i can actually respect them more. people who do not let me know their weaknesses are risking my friendship because surprises, particularly after a year or two of knowing someone can knock my respect level down. i dont think people should be ashamed of their weaknesses. i think people who judge people based on their weaknesses are hypocrits and lack self esteem. that said... i judge myself based on my weaknesses while taking into account the many strengths that i have at the same time.
keeping things in perspective is very important. is life really that important. i think not... some say that life is the most important thing we can have. the loss of a loved one might bring to the surface many many feelings that people who dont understand me well enough think that i couldn't possibly have. i have never actually had anyone close to me die. this is a huge miracle really. i have two huge immediate families in my parents brothers and sisters. my grandparents are all alive as are all of my cousins, to my current knowledge.
i am still happy overall and i think that i can improve where i still need to improve.
pent up emotions and pet theories
08.19.04 (12:58 pm) [edit]so many people here on tblog have many (mostly mixed up) emotions and theories about different subjects. there is a very real place for discussion into topics such as racism, sexism and abuse of gender roles however it seems that what motivates most people on here is getting attention to what they think and how they think.
an interesting page that was quoted to me by therealspartacus007 is the following by *Capitalism Magazine* Men are not from Mars and Women are not from Venus. It went into a few topics and the author had obviously thought for a while at least over his answer but his prejudices against any form of differentiation between individuals meant that he was forever driving towards a point where men and women have no particular physiological or behvaioural differences. Any short study into neuropsychology/behaviour al neuroscience work done in this area point to the fact that males and females are actually physiologically different. Just because we cant fully fit behaviours to particular genes does not mean that they don't exist. Science is a progressive discipline. Impatience is not a virtue for a scientist. The trouble with social behaviours in capitalistic societies is that impatience is actively encouraged. For instance, the media tells us all the time that we have to buy this particular product right now... or that we will be missing out on a "once in a lifetime" chance by not spending money in this place. The dominant theories in economics are all based around the free market capitalism model. The trouble only really comes when it becomes and obsession as is all too common with people in general. Obsessions, fears and prejudices should all be looked at. They are all bad. There is a place and time under the sun for everything.
As a biologist i am all too aware that, although many will say that environment is the only thing that really has any impact on development, i can assure you that genetics and a deeper study of it only reveals a trend in the mid region. Genetic studies do not reveal that genetics implies everything. It is relatively easy to prove that wrong... however it is possibly easier to prove the opposite extreme to be in the wrong.
of course there are going to be people who take science out of context and encourage racism, sexism and general abuse of gender roles based on scientific evidence. this does not mean that the science is wrong. you can take absolutely anything out of context (as journalists manage to do so consistently) to prove your particular example. particular examples are meant to be kept out in the particular debate above because everyone has a unique combination of genetic influence and environmental influences.
by saying that investigating the generalised differences implies people to take you out of context is not right. people can take anything they want or can from what i say. clarifying points may help distinguish generalisations based on science in my writing from prejudices but even that is not fallible. i must however say this.. that i am not supporting the theory because of its extreme out of context ramifications. i am trying to get what i see to be a sustainable and workable solution to those problems in part. i do not see individualism as a sustainable solution. the most successful civilisations have never had anything near individualism as their main basis. true... for people's greed to be sustained it is "un-economic" to think of others. that basically means that you dont have a heart. which rather shamefully capitalists admit readily that they dont have hearts. a donation of 0.05% of your income to a charity does not mean you have a heart. thats no where near your heart.
A study into true humility
08.18.04 (5:13 pm) [edit]First up a few definitions of humility so you can get the idea of what i am talking about.
Value first the contributions of others; do not boast of your own accomplishments, let others do this for you. Tell the deeds of others before your own, according them the renown rightfully earned through virtuous deeds. In this way the office of knighthood is well done and glorified, helping not only the gentle spoken of but also all who call themselves knights.
http://www.talernoninc.com/Codes/Definitions.htm" title="http://www.talernoninc.com/Codes/Definitions.htm" target="_blank"http://www.talernoninc.com/Co...
The quality or state of being humble in spirit. Freedom from pride or arrogance. Humble: Modest or meek in spirit, manner or appearance, not proud or haughty. Absence of vanity.
http://www.robcom2000.com/glossary.html" title="http://www.robcom2000.com/glossary.html" target="_blank"http://www.robcom2000.com/glo...
a disposition to be humble; a lack of false pride; "not everyone regards humility as a virtue"
http://www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn" title="http://www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn" target="_blank"http://www.cogsci.princeton.e...
This post is basically trying to describe some things that i have become increasingly annoyed at on tblog. The major one is a total lack of humility and respect for other tbloggers and other humans in general. It is true that not everyone regards humility as a virtue and to me that is very sad. It is possibly the most challenging and rewarding thing to do to practice humility. Too many people are out to be as controversial and as popular as possible to somehow make themselves seem important. People need to be congratulated on their work. A critic has a place but as many will agree the only good critic is a friend. This is because friends do not have to prove themselves and hence they dont have a personal ego to feed by critiquing something. A friend will look at something and have a genuine idea that they are helping by offering their advice. A critic does not have a personal reason and their advice is therefore limited to its content without the extra reassuring advice that a friend includes in their criticisms.
On that note I will leave this post!!
Update:
Just looking through some recent posts and i seem to have actually found a mature critic on this system. This person seems to know what they are on about too.
http://www.tblog.com/templates/index.php?bid=soso&static=26311 8" title="http://www.tblog.com/templates/index.php?bid=soso&static=26311 8" target="_blank"http://www.tblog.com/template...
A short study into the post-modern/modern (realist/others) debate
08.15.04 (11:11 pm) [edit]I am not a philosopher and i am just going through what i have found so far. Take that how you may!!! hehehehe... I do not take these things to the extreme so saying that i am one or the other wont satisfy me. I also dont believe that absolutely everything is relative. To take this from a modernist point of view. I am a hypocrit because i dont take everything to be absolute. And now from a postmodernist point of view... I am not a real postmodernist because i think that modernist methods can be used in certain circumstances. From the definitions and vague concepts defined by many writers on the internet and that i have heard in lectures and from colleagues i definitely sense that post-modernism is not a stable philosophy. I get annoyed when people say both that things are either absolute and when they say things are relative.
As i explained as i was getting over my study of personality types... i dont think boxes should be permanent but to the extent that they will better my life and my ability to help others i will use them. when i become obsessive about any one thing as philosophers seem to get on the topic that i am blogging about i think that it is time to lay off it.
everyone says that the study of philosophy is the basis for everything. as a true postmodernist i will say that i think it has its place but obsessing over it will get you no where. i wonder if it is against current definitions to say that i am a progressive philosopher for what i can get out of what i do... not for what questions i can bring up from what i do.
the following quote could help a little so i will include it now.
"if Descartes is seen as the father of modernism, then postmodernism is a variety of cultural positions which reject major features of Cartesian (or allegedly Cartesian) modern thought. Hence, views which, for example, stress the priority of the social to the individual; which reject the universalizing tendencies of philosophy; which prize irony over knowledge; and which give the irrational equal footing with the rational in our decision procedures all fall under the postmodern umbrella."
http://www.hku.hk/philodep/ugrad/glossar y.htm" title="http://www.hku.hk/philodep/ugrad/glossar y.htm" target="_blank"http://www.hku.hk/philodep/ug...
i would like to point out the universalising tendencies of people who are trying to talk to me about this. i may not be a realist just from saying that i think universalising is unapplicable to not universal concepts. even though people say that they are working from definitions as realists and most likely modernists i think that they are just avoiding the question i pose that they must prove their definitions are real. i do not mind setting something up based on definitions (not labels btw) that set up communication based on abstract concepts to describe concrete things. i had one view told to me today in which the person stated that because the basic building blocks of language are abstract that everything we say is abstract and therefore, by their own defintion i must point out, not real. i believe that there are concrete things in the world. that is not a problem for me as it seems to be for others. i also believe that many things are made up, such as scientific theories. this will really annoy realists and modernists as they believe that through their scientific method they can find truth that others will experience. i can accept things that others say on their word as long as the concept does not cause a contradiction in my head. this is not to say i cannot accept a contradiction. i have a sophisticated modernist view in reality. in the event of a contradiction i will study further to try and eliminate it if possible. to take this to a third step which is obviously not rational as modernist philosophers will argue but i will judge all the evidence and form a definite position, at least at that point in time about what i think on a subject.
i am an extremely fluid modernist as far as i can tell. modernists will reject me though because of my lack of universality on everything. postmodernists will also reject me because i have rational tendencies in things like religion and in particular, my religion and my concepts that my faith encompasses. postmodernism seems self defeating both from within in terms of what can be accepted and from a modernist view in that it is not rational. i base my faith on my acceptance of both observations and what the effects on society have been from christ. apart from that it is the only logical way that i see where i cannot and do not have to work for my salvation and that the whole concept of love shows that someone cares about me as a person/entity/soul.
i see postmodernism as an extremely liberal approach to escaping from the things that are wrong with modernism and in the process having to take some views that cause the good parts of modernism to be taken down. true... a revolution such as this has to be violent to move peoples opinions but for a person like me who thinks through things heavily in short amounts of time and then starts reevaluation based on experience just as quickly i can see that it is not going to bring about either a stable society or one that encourages innovation and a faith in the basic concepts of community. a community purely based on postmodernism will reject law as valid because it is simply one or someone elses view of the world. taking this to the extreme hurt and suffering are simply someone elses perception of the universe they live in and hence are no more important that any others.
frankly i see that as a way out only in the sense that it allows for individual opinions. religious doctrines are valid in the sense that they are given by a loving God and Father for our benefit. hypocricy will be found in anyone, even the most diligent which will discourage many looking for a totally coherent purpose. i also understand that there are a lot of hypocrits who hurt people in the name of religion. i do denounce the person as a person. i denounce their actions and ask that you do not prejudge me based on others in my religion or community. going on now...
the list of things that oppose various types of realism in the list below demonstrate just a few of the possible oppositions and complexities in the topic. i think that philosophers should actually think about the huge number of possibilities here and take notice that they are not going to have a right answer for everything just because they have been working their whole lives with the view that their concepts are real.
"a variety of doctrines in different areas of philosophy holding that entities or facts of contested sorts exist. There are, of course, different arguments concerning the reality of numbers in mathematics, the reality of moral facts in ethics, and the reality of time in physics or metaphysics. The kind of reality ascribed to universals differs from the kind of reality seen as belonging to common-sense material objects or to theoretical entities in science. Various realisms are hence opposed by nominalism, idealism, instrumentalism, reductionism, eliminativism, conventionalism, constructivism, relativism and anti-realism. Kant argued for both empirical realism and transcendental idealism. In recent years, many philosophers have discussed Michael Dummett's argument for anti-realism, in which he rejects the claim that every proposition must be either true or false and argues that realism must be false because it implies this claim."
http://www.hku.hk/philodep/ugrad/glossar y.htm" title="http://www.hku.hk/philodep/ugrad/glossar y.htm" target="_blank"http://www.hku.hk/philodep/ug...
their is a place for realism in the study of real things. when philosophy of things we cant see or experience gets mixed up it is extremely easy to make even the smallest of presuppositions and cause a system to fall over. the fact that they system falls over does not mean that everything the system developed was wrong however. a study of what was wrong with the system could well find out that only a slight change in the presupposition could balance the system out.
the tendency to go to absolutes because that is what our language and communication styles most easily supports is a danger in that because refinements can be made (most people in any camp will agree to that, if not... this whole thing is not for you... you are a modernist without hope or a future) then that implies that there is a level of uncertainty in anything. in saying that i realise why it is so hard for traditionalist realist modernists to take concepts such as the uncertainty principle in quantum physics so hard. frankly i have no trouble conceiving that something is non-deterministic... or relativistic in other words... i understand that the entire concept could screw with some minds to no end... as will my saying this at all.
in trying to analyse me i am sure people will be messed up because i make simple things complex. i do not say that i am one just because that is what you want. i will also refuse to answer questions in a way that i perceive will give the interviewer the wrong impression. sure... research is best when people are being frank about something and just communicating in the way they always do... i do not profess to be a good research subject and infact... i know i am not.
the act of transforming myself to give others what i perceive is the most accurate view of myself tends to be pretty messed up due to subconscious tendencies.. that said... from experience i have found that i get the best results from communication when i put effort into describing myself in other peoples terms rather than in my preconceived terms. this actually works quite well for me as i am a fluid person who rethinks everything i do before, during, and after i say things. for instance... what i said up the top of this post may infact be contrary to what i am saying now. do not take that as hypocricy. take the latter over the former remembering that even the latter may just be my argument from an opposing viewpoint to see if any more information can be found from the other viewpoint. my opinions may still be the former even after all that discussion. i am quite a dangerous person to talk to really due to my tendency to take the position of devils advocate in the hope of moving people towards what i see as a balance/truth (in some sense of the word) this movement is a forward step in my view. true... i am not perfect and i could be going backwards but after an acceptable amount of thought i think that i can gamble with the remaining 1 or 2 percent chance in most cases in the hope of a large reward.
also i laugh at the number of people who try to put people in boxes (realists obviously) so that they can say reality exists and is valid for them at least and who dont make any effort to see others reality believing that to be inherently impossible to perfect and hence not worth the effort. i think that intellectual intimacy in a relationship is very important.
take out of this what you may peoples who read this but remember that i am consciously trying to psychoanalyse both myself and my actions and hence am not a regular lab subject. i pity the researcher who tries to analyse me and put me in a box... try if you may but i will become something else just to annoy you... hehehe... nah... its not that bad... i will try to give a representation of myself but because i am fluid results may be short-lived and chaotic.
mmm... chaos... i wonder how realists take that concept... it doesn't actually cause an inconsistency in my thoughts so i dont worry... any thoughts on chaos and its implications to the whole topic would be appreciated btw.. well... thats it for me... time to sleep.
Back to Kelly (courtesy of maddy)
08.14.04 (12:18 am) [edit]hehehe... i will probably get punished for this by the recipient of the joke. "back to kelly" is the new "everything comes back to alana"
anyway... for those who understand that... hehehe... its not going away..
background on that btw.. we were talking in a group outside of the cafeteria after tea and basically whenever the conversation went to something maddy didn't like she went back to kelly... the funny thing was that she actually said that... no subtelty in the change of conversation topic. i dont know what kelly really thought about it... she will no doubt have a comment on this post though so i will soon find out. she came up from wahroonga for the weekend and i guess it wasn't too nice to do that to her poor maddy must feel bad that she has started something now. :'( but braden, chris and I definitely wont forget about it. hehehe.
anyway... i went star watching with a few people tonight. it was really fun.. even the wind couldn't make me cold since i had lots of layers of clothing on to prevent it.
that was my night and its now time to go to sleep so i can be up for breakfast!!! cyas later!!!
not much to say
08.11.04 (8:22 am) [edit]mmm... now that i am back at college i dont have much to say.. i had three classes yesterday. slept in the afternoon... played magnetic darts in a friends room. anyway... im pretty uninteresting right now. haven't been thinking much lately so i cant come up with any marvellous statements.
Weather
thats the weather around where i am today if you want to know what its like here.
suppose i should go and get ready for whatever it is that i have to do today.. three classes over midday so that should keep me occupied for a while.
preparing for travel
08.07.04 (9:17 pm) [edit]well.. im here... i am half way through reading p&p (yes girls i am doing it... i wasn't just saying i liked it for nothing ;-) ) it is interesting but i wouldn't say that i would read it again any time soon. it is a little too predictable. i admit that i didn't get some of it up until where i am now but it seems to follow itself around. i don't know how to describe it. its frustrating.
I am flying tommorrow!! thats good news.. all my college buds will be happy to hear that (cept the nurses and pilots who didn't really get a break. hehehe... suckers!!! ;-) )
im not really into writing tonight. will surely have something more to say after getting my travelling over and done with.
cyaz all when i finish my little 1100 kilometre journey tommorrow.
dreams of good places
08.05.04 (5:26 pm) [edit]an example ramble since i only have one entry and one judge so far. i guess thats a good effort for a first time competition organiser like me.
i guess the only way i can explain myself for that horrible debacle below that i thought up over breakfast yesterday is by saying that i wanted attention... yes... its a horrible thing... to want attention... i dont want to be negative but i am a littl down right now so this wont be a long entry. i will be okay though. thanks for all the comments in the last few days. people around here just love to be friendly it seems. maybe i am being naive there but i think its great that people can say how they feel.
maybe its just because i have been sleeping at a different time but i have been remembering my dreams lately. i have these weird dreams about walking around all these towns that look slightly familiar but not so familiar that i can put a name on them. and there is always two or three people i know around but i am walking around with people i sense i know well but i dont know them well if you know what i mean. some of them are really powerful. like i actually wake up and i want to go back to sleep cause i dont want to leave. and i always feel like i am leaving people.
i wonder whether there are any answers to my many questions. many many questions. maybe i should take up poetry. im not much of a structured person in writing. i find i can express myself better with free flowing *logical* thought thought patterns. i wonder how long i can hide after i get to college before anyone notices this... not long now i have said that. hehehe... i am so dreamy today i actually thought a sentence and my fingers didn't type it. oh well.. it was going to get me in trouble anyway. sentences like that deserve to be ignored by my fingers.. i think its cool that i can just think and type these days. i dont even think about that the keys are. i think in words again. tis an awesome thing. maybe i could get so good that i start thinking in paragraphs or whole stories. that would be the ultimate.. hehehe... i am being silly aren't i... ahhhh... this is the reason i want my breaks REDUCED from 6 weeks to something more sane like 4 weeks. i would have been happy going back two weeks ago. maybe not as fully rested but at least i probably wouldn't have gotten this laryngitis thing. my throat is still a bit tingly and i am still drinking 4-6 LITRES of water per day. i seriously have to get over it. i am going back on sunday and i dont want to be sick when i get back.. too much wonderful stuff to do... for instance... i have to reload linux onto my laptop before class starts so i can fix something... hehehe... it is worth it though.. being a techie is what i could be doing for a job.
well.. that brings to a conclusion another day in the life of ansell.. the poor guy with a bad habit for yabbering on about things forever and ever and ever. ohh... right... yes well you get the point.. signing off now....
Rambling Contest
08.04.04 (12:40 pm) [edit]Inaugural (I think!!) tBLOG Rambling Competition
Rules:
1: No stealing content from others.
2: Entries must be exactly four hundred and twenty (420) words long (excluding title) and must not be available on the web before judging starts.
3: Try to keep it clean.
4: There are no more rules, see rules 1, 2, 3, and reservation of rights.
Winners will be announced in each of the following categories as follows:
Overall World Champion tBLOG Rambler
Most Artistic
Most Realistic
Least Realistic
Least Interesting
Least Effort Used
Along with selected miscellaneous categories as needed.
Time frame:
Entries must be received by Sunday August 8 at 1200 hours GMT
Winners will be announced in a post on http://ansell.tblog.com/ on Monday August 8, after which the participants should post their entries along with any awards received to their respective blogs.
Reservation of Rights:
The judges (names of which are yet to be finalised as at posting) reserve the right to reject any entry on the basis of discriminatory material, excessive vulgar language or unsportsmanlike behaviour.
LET THE RAAAAMMMMMBLING BEGIN!!!
Private Message me (ansell) to officially enter and have your name on the official list.
Also PM me if you are interested in being an independent judge.
Current entrants will be shown in a special box to your left.
ummm... a massive ramble... starting... NOW!!!
08.03.04 (3:59 pm) [edit]mmm... a new hobby... and no kindabtchy... its not proposing to you... thats very serious business... ;) no... my hobby will be making people into coat holders... now... just for a cunning plan on how to do it.. aggghhhh... no... that ones too horrible... nooo... couldn't be true... yes yes... i know... i will put them in an office. and make them listen to boring presentations from junior sales managers allllll ddddaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy.... oopes... cant go to sleep on the job... i guess thats what wifi and tblurt is all about... hahahahahahaha... i wonder how many bosses know about their workers antics on tblurt.
i dont think i would be surprised if the answer was none because tbloggers are a very cunning bunch... then know just when switch to that vital spreadsheet they are preparing on last years post room workers enterprise bargaining contract. cant have that missing from the end of year reports. what would management say if they knew i was slacking off here though.... hehehehe... i wonder... management was fun as an introductory subject. jokes every five minutes were about the only thing that kept me awake... even typing out every word he said nearly put me to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... oops... i hate it when i go to sleep writing such interesting material as this.
i guess i am just feeling silly today cause i am well again.. yes, as everyone probably already, kind of likely, knows... i was sick for a few days... hence my posting was down to one per two day interval.. randomly distributed across the two day interval of course.. and i calculated the randomness while i was sick too. stoopid brain wouldn't stop working though i could barely get the energy to move my fingers on the keyboard. i wish the ATP would just have dissipated into ADP and stayed there... no sense in going to cAMP... camp is fun though... i get to go to a convention in october.. i go every year... i work as a sound engineer in a cafe they run there.. yes... there is a new piece of information... i am a sound engineer. i love music, and i happen to think i have a good sense of when it is off... not to make myself seem up tight at all... mmm... nah... that wasn't me loving myself... im too good for that... hehehehehe.... on that topic... i need a gf... not that i am actually going to advertise... hey... i got back to my original topic... that was fast... good luck following that kinda... it may take a few questions on the comments to follow it.
(my usual) DISCLAIMER:
btw... for any worried tbloggers... i am not really at work... i am a very bored university student who has just had 5 1/2 weeks off and cant wait for the next 1/2 a week to go so he can see his friends once more. i have inside information on account of my undercover work done as a junior sales assistant at my local small town library... hehehe... what a place to get information... soo much time to compile secret documents.... oops... not meant to tell about those *sales reports* now are we. mmm... ummm.... i gotta go speak to friendlies on tblurt... ummmmmm.... yeah... bi!
the new ME
08.02.04 (3:57 pm) [edit]Quote of the day: SheSpecies - dont be so critical or yourself
that is one of the best encouragements anyone has given me for ages. thanks!!!
and on that note i will stop trying to psychoanalyse me, myself or I (lol ;) ). this blog is made for more than that and i am more than that.
Signed: (Virtually) ME
i had a great time chatting on tBlurt this morning/arvo to people such as rinna, SheSpecies, lefty201, antipodean and BeaconSpider
i would like to put forward BeaconSpider as a person we should all encourage in his time of need. go on!!! you know you want to.. he wants his girl back and from what he says he deserves it too.
on other topics... i actually watched something without realising it for a few minutes last night... something i know a few people will encourage me to do more often but most likely wont succeed. yes... thats it... i watched part of Pride and Prejudice.. well it was on tv... and i was flipping around being bored and i ended up on the ABC and there was a scene with some ancient english dressed up people and some of them were dancing and others were just off to the side. what did intrigue me was one person who had a really funny look on his face... its actually a look i have regularly when i am intrigued by something but want other people to think i am disinterested (yes, it happens, some things are just sooooo boorinnnggggggg. if you know what i mean ;) ) anyway, the guy was pretty cool so i kept watching thinking something might become of it. anyway, my sis walks in and says, ooohhh... isn't that... umm... Pride and Prejudice... and i am like... i wouldn't know... i haven't watched it before. hehe... well i got a bit of a shock when it was... maybe its not so evil.. some of these romance things are good when you think exactly like one of the people, ie... mr darcy in this case. i dont quite have his wit but i do think as much as him.
taking the comparison further... is it just me or do girls actually like that. i hadn't noticed. whenever i do it they just ignore me... am i scary?? i dont want to think that i am that scary. i know i can stare at people and they get a bit scared. its the people who i cant stare at that i am best friends with though. i just cant keep a straight face around some people. i mean, i can but its hard and not worth the effort so i just smile. i guess i do smile alot and i am more relaxed than he is most of the time. mmm... i guess i should keep on going how i am. i would like to be more upfront with people i dont know, like with getting to know them.. but i dont know what to say most of the time and ughhhh i even bawk at being able to talk about it full stop... ahhh... anyway... im finished
onto other things, i can talk on a lot of topics. is that a problem... should i focus more on one thing, like sport or something... lol... i know that will get a reaction from some people.. like freak hehe. nah, im not that sports mad. i follow most australian sports. Cricket, NRL, Rugby, AFL, Swimming, Cycling, Triathlon..
well, i might actually be looking for answers in the wrong places.
as everyone says, people are complex creatures, you learn by experience. have to keep reminding myself of that one.
