Questioning my rationality
07.30.04 (4:03 pm) [edit]Today has been a turmoltuous day. Not only and I on the end of a bad bout with the flu which is the reason i haven't posted for a few days on anything, but i am questioning whether i am indeed an INTJ or an INTP or possibly some weird person who has the ability to switch between the two or even simultaneously act as bQuestioning my rationality.. am I INTP, INTJ... or both
This may not relate to many people but I am trying to work it out here anyway... lets go!! It would probably be a good idea to be familiar with the following sources before reading. I make many assumptions throughout that are based on the sources.
Sources:
INTP profile
INTJ profile
Review of a Neuropsychology 18(2), article on gifted maths students
Description of Physiological Significance of MBTI types
Today has been a turmoltuous day. Not only and I on the end of a bad bout with the flu which is the reason i haven't posted for a few days on anything, but i am questioning whether i am indeed an INTJ or an INTP or possibly some weird person who has the ability to switch between the two or even simultaneously act as both throughout a conversation. Is it just because I sue one side too much sometimes that the opposite half of the brain takes over sometimes.
It is a somewhat foolish statement, just to take the words that everyone is going to be one type, but this is what people have done. Everyone has their pet theory which describes more exactly than the others what is happening. True, their is a great deal of agreement but as far as I can see people haven't questioned this major (at least to me) issue.
I am confident that my type is INT but the rest I am not so sure about after today. I have already sent this off to an INTJ mailing list as well as an email to a Socionics expert asking his opinion. I would really love to go on further but I am so damn tired from thinking this much. I need to rest to regain my strength.
Later!!!
Attachments
INTJ-Open mailing list email
Left or Right Brain Use - INTP or INTJ
From what I have read it seems that that the distinction between P and J physiologically comes down to whether the Right or Left Brain is more Dominant (Please corrent me if I am wrong... quotes at the end for this). Is it possible that people could use both sides simultaneously and have a personality that does not strictly fit into the current classification scheme.
I read a few months ago about two researchers who were using brain analysis to determine what side of the brain someone was using when performing a certain task. They came up with a conclusion that may or may not be validated since that 'gifted' children seemed to be able to sue both hemispheres cooperatively when solving difficult tasks. Is it possible that during everyday life these children could 'learn' to switch usage between their left and right hemispheres to be able to relate to more people on their level?
I expect that because this is attacking an assumption that all pioneers have taken for granted, at least in the short term, that it will be new for some. If this discussion has been here before could someone direct me to it in an archive somewhere!! I would love to get to know it more.
Oh... and on the INTP or INTJ thing... I think that if the discussion on the left right brain thing comes good it will answer my query indirectly.
Socionics.com email
I am quite intrigued as to what type my personality is. I am tending to believe that we can get more ideas into the JP debate by exploring the brain physiology which seems to relate the two. In past Q&A you gave a quite valid description of the difference between INTJ and INTP. The type of which pertains to me I am not sure of. Could you comment on the recent studies relating so called "gifted" people who seem to use both their left (judging) and right(perceiving) simultaneously when solving problems and possibly even in everyday life.
Do you believe that it is impossible for this hypothesised simultaneous use to affect the way that i deal with people. Could I have learnt to focus more on one side of my brain when dealing with certain people compared to others. oth throughout a conversation.
one of the best articles i have ever read
07.30.04 (12:09 pm) [edit]Living Life as an INTJ!
many personality types will read this article in disgust that someone can say these things. i ask you to wait until the end. everything is brought together at the end in typical INTJ style.
why i am so silly around most people i know
07.26.04 (11:28 pm) [edit]well... as usual... this disclaimer is that this is not the complete sotry.. if you wnat to know the complete story call me or talk to me sometime and i will try again to explain it to you... if you still dont know then chances are im probably being silly just to hide my inner self from you..
anyway... to start off... i will say first up there is only one person who has ever looked into my eyes and made me freak out (at least for a second) because i realised that they were looking inside me, and i inside them. i dont know how important it was for this person but it is still something i am really interested in (along with last night/this mornings post on my missing childhood)
i dont know if i want to talk to this person further because i dont inherently trust them. maybe its just a talent that we both have for staring into peoples eyes to analyse them. if this person reads this and i am not sure they ever will but... please tell me what you saw and whether it was scary as i probably was!!!
i am silly around most people because i am a person of sharp extremes... true i am mostly moderate but when it comes to serious things... i am either into a conversation or i am not..
there are many people who have learnt this the hard way... please... i dont know what i can possibly do about it... i am either going to talk or i am not... and if i am not 99.9 percent of the time it wasn't a problem with you in the first place... for my sake and yours dont make it your problem... i hope that doesn't sound harsh... it wasn't meant to be... but i am very very serious saying that... i am silly around everyone i trust though... most people i dont trust realise this... that is why it is one of the most damaging things to tell me that you dont trust me... i dont mind people not trusting me but actually saying it has one of the worst effects on me that you would ever realise... i am inherently naive with these things. i like to think that a naive trust at first is good... unfortunately there are many people who have gotten over this and seem not to understand what it is or have built barricades against it and refuse to accept that i can actually have a naive trust...
true... trust has to be built on something but why not play around in the clouds while the foundations are being built and then hop onto the sky scraper coming through the clouds and go from there.
how the foundations are built isn't really of interest to me... i know its from experiences... little things... trust exercises... things like that all count as well as understanding that i dont do things intentionally to hurt people as an exercise... try to get meaning out of all i do... including the things and probably most importantly the things that make you want to kill me... they are usually the ones where i am trying my hardest to show myself to you and have resorted to that because everything else isn't working. of course as a disclaimer... dont expect me to acknowledge that in person... this as everyone says.. is a very different world. that does not mean that i am myself here anymore than in person.. it is my complement in here... along with my diary this is the most personal i get with people...
i dont understand why everyone puts so much significance on talking as *the* medium for exchange. i rather writing for many of my thoughts because talking like i can here (in a sense) is just confusing for people... believe me... i have tried to talk to people like this and they end up with the opposite impression to that which i am trying to give. also it hurts me when people say that i am less of a person because i cannot talk about things like everyone else seems to be able to.. apart from not growing up like that i am not that person inherently.. i like accuracy in everything i do... including communication... interpretation is not bad... just that if i am sure that i am not just rambling on trying to get my head around things in a personal conversation i think that the desired effect is always going to be pretty hard to get out.
i love rambling on IM though as people most surely know... the ability to correct oneself accurately and not have to focus on remembering what one said two minutes or fifteen minutes ago is a good thing. i use my logic section so much that my memory hardly ever keeps up... thats one reason why i like this... if i really feel like i need to go back and remember something i have said i can go back... to date i haven't gone back through either this or the tens of thousands of words in my diaries yet... just thinking about that makes me tired... i may in the future when whats in the diaries can no longer hurt anyone let others read them or maybe even read them again myself.
i believe in self help and autonomy (to a point) to be very important in absolutely everything one does.. being an introvert may be one of the reasons for this but from experience, apart from conversations with people who i totally trust (of which there aren't actually that many). as i have probably said before and i will say again... people should know themselves and try to accept more about what they know all the time. counsellors have a place but i think that God is the ultimate counsellor... followed by that thing called logic and experience in your own head.
i know that there are many people (infact... most of the world) who believe more in actions than words and true motives and more in feelings than thoughts as well as more who believe in written words having less power than the spoken word. thats a shame... i will try to understand you but i believe its best if we both understand each other... one of the reasons i find it so hard is that i lose respect for people for many reasons...
i respect standing up for yourself... i dont respect pushing people down to make yourself seem taller.
i respect telling through most means what you are feeling.. i dont respect uncontrolled anger and violence. (thats unacceptable!!!)
i respect being able to have naive trust for everyone... i dont respect people who make it their mission to take that down just because they have lost it for whatever reasons.
i respect people who get up and tell their testimonies in front of people. i dont respect people who diss them for it or people who try to tell me i have to do it to get better. (in a way i am doing it here anyway and thats fine with me)
i respect people who dont have trust for me but want to work on things. i dont accept people trying to get pity from me as part of the trust process. (pity has a place once trust is there. i dont pity people i know brought things onto themselves... unrelated???... it was something i had to say)
i respect that people may naturally take the things i have said to heart and dwell on them as if i have said every word to them... i dont respect people who try to understand me from a post like this if they know they cant handle all i have to say... if needed take a paragraph a day (or week) and work on it.
pretty much all you ever need to know to get along with me is in the above post. along with the How To Love an INTJ, i think that sums it up... now i have to think about what the next phase will be... any ideas would be appreciated... i think i am graduating from the early getting to know you phase of blogging
DISSAPEARING MEMORY>>>> NOW!!!
07.26.04 (9:56 am) [edit]its a powerful feeling to wake up one day and realise that you are alive. you are inhabiting a human body and that you have to behave.
i dont know if it was a single incident or a huge fiasco that brought me down to earth (in a figurative way) that day.
its not that i dont remember anything from before but the sensation of being inside a body and not knowing what happened a day ago is powerful..
anyway... now that i have done my good deed for the day and reunited two friends who knew each other ages ago i will continure... i didn't get very far before with what i wanted to say
anyway... the major thing that happened that i can tell is that i had an operation on my neck about three months before when i can remember. i have had dreams about stayng in hospital overnight but as i know from my last trip under the operating theatres spell there is not much to remember... just a good dream as far as i can tell... i wonder if i had something happen during that time... whether i had swelling on a certain part of my brain... whether they bumped my brain stem and caused soemthing to happen... the thing is that as far as i can tell my personality didn't change much because my parents dont remember anything much changing in that department.
as i said before it was not like everything about me changed... i was still afraid of the same things. i still liked to eat the same foods according to my parents. anyway, i dont think that people would actually notice the difference. i just want to know cause it is bothering me... ahhh... anyway... im over it... im going to post this and think about another topic.
weird internet searches that land people here.. and more ramblings
07.24.04 (9:45 pm) [edit]well.... if that isn't a rambling title then i dont know what is. hehe :D
Yahoo! Search for weird little places to go
if the person who searched that just happens to come back i would love to have a comment on what your day has been like or anything really... no... seriously i would like to hear from you.
i have always thought of myself as being weird... funny how some people put bad connotations on that... people always seem to be telling me that im not... i dont see what THEIR problem is. its like an obsession to make everyone the same... well... at least i can laugh about it in the end. i hope they get the their lifes goals.. they should read down further about the MoodGYM.
Google Search for temporary amnesia
ahh... that one brings back memories... hehe... im funny today... OR NOT!!! my memory is better though so im not exactly telling myself to go back to where i was here.
anyway... on with some ramblings as everyone has coined little bits of rubbish that i will come up with from now until the end of my designated blogging time.
i actually found a really interesting site for help with minor depression. i have been slightly depressed on and off for a while. the site did help so make me more aware of what it is that is making me depressed. im not finished though. it is an ongoing process over like 13 weeks or something. i finished the first module in about 30 minutes today so i figure its a good investment in my future.
the site goes through what a person without depression feels when certain things happen in their life and how the rest of us can do little things to avoid the stimulators. for instance... i know a few girls who think that they have to find love and friendship in the world to feel worthy of being loved and to be happy. i may have thought like that in the past but i dont anymore. it is hard to talk to these people about this but because just by their determination to think that way they think comments are bad. lol... i dont know if that came out right but i am onto something now so i wont go back. i dont know about recommending this directly to anyone but hey im sure there are lots of people who would benefit from it. even people who are consistently happy with life and dont suffer from depression could benefit from learning to consciously stay that way for the future.
onto other things... i read the most balanced Adventist and even Christian for that matter approach to SEX in christian relationships!!! yes... adventists and sex... they dont traditionally mix well. lol... it went through it great in my view. i do love how oldies seem to be admitting that us young generation's aren't really the crazed monkeys that we always used to be portrayed as. like we didn't have morals or respect for things.
which brings me to another topic related to marriage and all things SEX. I was thinking how important it is for parents to bring up balanced children. Yess.. thats right... balanced... too many children are almost carbon copies of their parents. that is hardly balanced for a child. i was thinking about this because i went through a few personality types that i thought my five year old sister might be and came up with ENTP as her type because she is interested in the way everything works, she is argumentative, she ahs a strong will, she is outgoing (at least in my view), she also takes everything i say on its merits (ie. she respects what i say if it makes sense to her and loses some respect for me if i say things that dont gel in her mind). These are the major factors that i see coming from the ENTP personality. It is important because her mother and father are beginning to get annoyed at the way she seems to think she knows more than them. They are ISFP and ISFJ which can hardly be expected to know what it is like to argue for the fun of it or to respect people for what they do as opposed to what they are (ie. parents). I dont think that she doesn't respect them for who they are but as i found going through life, it is really hard to respect someone who tries to force their thoughts on you as gospel. Only recently have i been coping with this, i try to tell people that i dont hate them for who they are when i say that i dont agree and i rip their arguments to shreds.
i respect people who know how much they know and even some others who dont realise what they are doing but i will respect anyone who puts out their opinions in such a way that i can agree or disagree without feeling that i have been told something.
too many parents see the 5th commandment as an instruction to children to obey unconditionally everything they say. personally i think this is lunacy. it is taken by many many people to justify cruelty to children following "disobedience". sure a certain amount of discipline is going to show YOUNG children who do not understand rational thoughts that what they did was wrong. but i think that physical discipline should stop for 99% of children if not more by the time they are about 8-9 years old. i know for myself it stopped around then or earlier because i responded to rational arguments and the reasons why something was wrong. i was always someone to question everything. i saw way too much hypocrisy and when i talked about it, it is and was seen as disrespect.
anyway. i am kind of over that so i will go now and do something productive. like sleep... if only those kids next door would get sick of their little party and go home.
getting good from imperfect things (more than just words)
07.23.04 (8:46 pm) [edit]before i start my blog topic today!!!
I found a really neat blog today. Liberty's Kid's is maintained by five... yes, FIVE!!! different people. it makes for a good read but commenting could be a big hob to keep up with :D. i wonder how they manage everything. anyway... i was really impressed so go have a look at it!!
onto something i can say. well... i did my washing today. that was my huge exploit for the day. as is commonly known to uni students... they gie us way too much time for holidays and after four weeks you are wondering what to do with all that time!!! only 2 more weeks left to go before i go back to start off five brand new subjects.. yes thats right... they make us do five subjects every semester. how crazy is that!!! plus some unfortunates among us (present company included)... have to work to manage their way along. its a hard life but someone has to do it.
on a piece of philosophical importance to me!!! i was thinking today about whether definitions are infact that important to communication and i got to the stage where i found that there are too many things wrong with defining something as a dictionary meaning and forcing yourself to use it and only it for your particular context.
sure it is easy to say that people communicate much better with common vocabularies.. does it also help if people make an effort to go past words to what someone is thinking. as i have said before... words are such an imperfect medium for communication of such important things as thoughts. that said... i haven't been getting very far on plans to invent a machine which interprets thoughts and transmits them to other people without using their senses.
well in a way it is planned to use sensors and transponders and implants or the like (ethics of which i will get to when i get to that part) but the person "listening" would not have to use their eyes or ears or hands (in case of blindness!!!) the thoughts would just flow on in
it is a tough assignment that i am still scratching the surface of how big it is.
anyway... back to my point about words and deeper meanings past a set of definitions.
a little while ago (like 2 years) i would have thought that it would be perfect to have set out definitions and have an organised communication medium which would work without misunderstandings of alterior interpretations.
but since then i have come to appreciate more fully how rich our language method of communication is... true some people subscribe to theories which say that words are only 5 percent of communication but i am skeptical of that.
language is so rich. many many inventions have come from people misunderstanding words or from people thinking further into a thought than the person who spoke it even did. (sorry, i cant think of any specific examples but i know there are many out there cause i have read many stories/articles about them before)
coming back to words and their importance even as an imperfect medium... words still have to be thought about and chosen mostly so as to at least lead someone toward something. the odd stuff up does not mean you are not wise or that you are a kink in society. we should try to learn and improve from stuff ups
well... if that wasn't a rambling blog (for me) i dont know what is.
i know there are people out there who profess to be wiser than their peers or who take "wise" sayings too far... please listen...
and on a happy note again...
make sure you visit Liberty's Kid's.
a true but not so complete rebuttal of Intellectual Technology
07.22.04 (11:21 am) [edit]The theory being rebuttalled
first of all i would like to say this. if and only if everyone were robots it would work. nuf said on that front. now to explain myself.
as part of any problem solving process containing social and intensely emotional adults totally logical arguments are never going to be the ultimate reality.
this can be demostrated by the lack of actual knowledge or thought into the way that human neural processes actually work.
even as a self professed intellectual (no doubt some may disagree here) i still try to be balanced by regularly examining my emotions. some may find that hard to believe as well, but its what i see as a balanced person and thats what i want to be overall. balanced people do more good than nutcases.
anyway... back to my points. the author makes a point that the human brain has no way of reliably storing contradicting information. i think the human brain does it well. a little too well for my liking. it is called lack of cerebral control. but nevertheless it does happen. nuf said again but i will continue because he continued for so long that i think he deserves a little bit of my time. this guy is an optimistic fool generally.
he describes things such as this as what a his solution does "It identifies verifiable truth, that which is most feared by the mind, and thus not effectively questioned."
then goes on to contradict himself by saying later in the Introduction that the brain loves truth because it has no contradictions.
now, how is a thing that is most feared by the mind somehow the actual embodiment of what is being described.
i could go on but i think you have the point.
now to a real problem...
how not to get on peoples bad side by properly observing emotions and perceiving (sometimes non rationally... shock horror for some) what to do using our so powerful emotional decision making centres.
mmm... it is a huge problem isn't it. thats the start and finish of it. i think that by exploring different ways in own own lives we will come to a better understanding of how not to put peoples backs up at us.
of course for soem lovely peoples that is not a problem as they just get along with everyone!!! woe to be them. i like my life.
arguments and long fantastical sentences
07.20.04 (9:49 pm) [edit]Disclaimer: this is me being silly... dont take anything i say too seriously on the surface. there may be hidden elements below but dont say i put them there cause i will deny it. feel free to examine it and point out any mistakes though. im always out to improve
how many wood chucks does it take to clear out king henry's palace?? who knows what a wood chuck would think of him??? would a wood chuck just get up and leave cause his tail got trodden on??? would the elephant be angry is the wood chuck ate his peanuts??? why dont people just go out giving peanuts away instead of causing such rucuses by divorcing wives and chopping their heads off?? would the rich well built fellow in the big house up the end of the road past the dam and up through the acacia grove be plenty wealthy enough to spare a peanut or two... or more???
why cant he just get out more and see the world instead of being stuck in his little house?? why aren't there any penguins that far out into the woods?? why do pengins reside as humble mascots against the elephants who try to steal everyones peanuts?? is it possible that the man up top couldn't just take out his refidex and find his way down into town to talk to the little hobbitses who live down there putting stickers on everyone else???
is it better that the hobittses go off on horrible journeys to get rid of rings that the man up past the acacia grove could have destroyed by never giving peanuts to them to make them greedy??? would it really be unfunny if a hobbit stubbed his toe on a sharp stick left for him by the evil tree peoples?? would it be loyibilous for peoples to unite for the cause or should they take the high road that winds over the pass that leads to the lower world?? would the rules need rephrasing if a monster came out of the rabbits hole to defend against the lamb in dragons clothing?? would the words need to be sugarised for them to be swallowed or would protonisation be more desireable??
are people being made antiultraphysiliosic by my disturbing rhetoric?? who knows??
good night all!!!!
How to Love an INTJ
07.18.04 (2:02 pm) [edit]How to Love an INTJ
* Be an attentive and respectful listener.
* Appreciate my competency and creativity.
* Give me plenty of privacy and time alone for me to pursue my interests in depth.
* Try not to pressure me to share my feelings before I'm ready.
* Be honest and direct about what you need.
* Above all - respect my independence and need to live my life according to my own standards.
trying not to judge people so much
07.18.04 (12:18 pm) [edit]this started as a comment to scarlettgkpi's blog but i found that i had more to talk about than was relevant there and i was talking about myself as the people who were currently judging her so i thought i should get my thoughts together properly. sorry scarlett... i will comment on yours later.
what i truly think of people is not always their business. i try to avoid future confrotations by either judging that they wont react well or by telling them as much as i think they can handle.
this is not to say that i am better than them. i am not perfect.
by saying what i am going to say now people might think i am arrogant and the line between wisdom and arrogance is vry thin so try to take this as wisdom even if i have crossed the line.
i do think that peoples actions are not always true representations of what they think. for instance, my words are not always representative of me, i try to talk nicely to people who cant handle my normally critical nature. people who understand that i am not critical of them as a person and try to learn from what i say are the people who get on the best with me.
unfortunately i have met quite a few people who take me the wrong way. i do have a heart, i just think that it is not logical to continue doing things that can be fixed by a simple change that they have not found.
taking this back to judging i think that i always judge people. i would love to have most people as friends, unfortunately it is not possible for me to have everyone as a friend because of conflicts with the basic way that i think.
i hope that i never judge people to their face and try to undermine things that aren't my business.
i dont think that it is a crime for me to judge people though. everyone judges everyone else. thats the beauty of having free thought.
i have been trying lately not to bring everything back to personality types but in this case i find it inevitable to bring it back at least to the stereotypes for each type to try to explain why i think the way i do.
most of the world as SJ types. typically if they dont make efforts to think in other peoples mindsets these people are out there to help and do good in the way they know best. typically they are positive people who like to have positive comments and harmony.
my type NT is a small minority in the world. i know perhaps 10-20 NT people out of my hundreds of friends. i love to break things down and morealess keep my life changing. lets say i am a constant pragmatist. for people who like harmony and constantness and positive comments my words must be like pure evil. i am sorry but that is just the way i am. take it or leave it.
however unless you constantly push me back in my pragmatic efforts and dont want to listen to me when i attempt to explain you wont have a problem. i have a heart and i know when people are grieving. it isn't a problem for me to sympathise (albeit not in a huge crowd for fear that people take my actions the wrong way... another quirk of mine there!!!, infact i am morealess only sympathetic one on one when i believe it really counts)
actually i know why i am depressed slightly right now... there are people around here who seem to have lost their frontal lobe/hemispherical activity for logical thought. that is, their life seems to be stuck in neutral because they are not attempting to improve themselves and the basic ways that they think.
i am not a big bad meanie. i may not have the tact of an NF person and im not out there like an SP but i hope that people can understand me for who i am.
well, thats what i am thinking. i may have contradicted myself by the end but try to go beyond my words to what i am trying to say. words are such an imperfect communication mechanism.
anyway, feel free to disagree with me or point out places where i could improve. i will try to take a pragmatic view on everything you say.
the geek
07.16.04 (4:13 pm) [edit]i was always the geek and although these stories are all originals i like them because the describe just how stupid a poor geek can be.
Pathetic Geek Stories
i know i have very intelligent readers though so you probably dont have many experiences but teasing would be appropriate i think!!! lol.. just keep it clean
more trying to describe my thoughts
07.15.04 (10:51 pm) [edit]wow... i had forgotten how much travel tires me out. or maybe it was just that i only got 6 hours sleep last night... either way i slept all afternoon after i got here. thats crazy... i haven't slept in the afternoon for, well i cant remember exactly when it was but it would have been in the order of months... i have found that i dont sleep well when i sleep in the afternoon but i guess that it had to be done. i felt like i was getting sick over the last day so it was good to get some rest.
actually just as a note... i am already this far in and i got distracted by a post on 02babydoll which relates to that and i put my thoughts there so i will get onto something else now
but on that note still... my 5 year old sis is being hyper today... thats usual for when i come back after a while but its even worse today... she has a friend over and two 5 year olds... well just lets say thats tiring on its own...
anyway, i have been thinking more about personality types and it still amazes me how different i am in my basic philosophy of life compared to many others. for instance...
i was talking last night about balance and getting along with others and recovering from mental breakdowns and i have a view that is way skewed from what i was reading and talking about. the book had things like constantly giving good comments and refraining from any kind of negative emotion or comment when helping people through mental breakdowns or other down parts of their life. i disagree.. i think that if i judge someone to be stable enough to be able to accept constructive criticism i will give it to them. i may be wrong but i see this as a quicker and more solid route to stability then i will give them the chance. true there are situations where even as a "stable" person criticism of things that they hold true is bad.
i personally think that i should be able to comment on things. particularly if they are important to me. anyway... i have found something that does this better than i could have hoped to do it myself... this test does it...
EDIT: TOOK OUT MY RESULTS BECAUSE THE HTML WAS BAD
that is about all i can say tonight cause i am a bit slow right now... too much travel!!
im here safe though... that was good!
temporary amnesia
07.14.04 (12:52 pm) [edit]i wonder if there is a name for that... i should know... its the area i want to study in... well... if there are any neuropsychologists out there who know what i mean... make sure to leave me a comment..
it is funny that whenever others forget things you are more likely to forget them yourself... as scarlett put it "The more I try so hard to remember what it was I wanted to talk about, the less I truly remember. " i dont know how true that is but right now it seems like the truest thing in the world.
and so much for having lots to say... i could go on for ages... but would i actually be saying anything... i think not... its like somone once said...
actually i cant remember what they said... ill have to get back to youse on that one... its a hard one for me right now.. i had it in my head... i swear i did... it just disappeared.
people stealing other people for their own purposes
07.13.04 (5:06 pm) [edit]i dont see what the pleasure is with outdoing me actually... maybe i do outdo people... but its not because i try... there aren't many people who know how to manipulate me without me getting pissed off at them... some people think they do but on the inside i am pissed off when i realise... please dont try to manipulate me anymore... its not fun for either person... i do not purposely manipulate anyone else for either my own purposes or anyone elses... its just not right... its unethical.
i guess i shouldn't be surprised... its just what people do... i love people who try as hard as they can to convince me and then just get over it until i decide... either way... dont be disappointed if i dont do what you want... i am myself...
well... i feel a bit better... actually... another thing... if i say i dont want to talk about something just believe me... there are times when i cant talk to anyone about something... it is hard for many people to talk about things but for me its exponentially harder again... just get over it when i am sad... i know this may sound a bit hypocritical when i say that i want other people to tell me when they have something to say to me instead of telling their friends to tell me... it wasn't really hypocritical because if i have something against someone i either tell them or write it in my diary... i dont tell me friends to deal with it... i do it myself in my own way
maybe i should start confronting people... thats not really my style but its how most people work and that cant be a bad way to work..
that said i dont mind talking to certain people... mostly totally uninvolved people about things... thats why i like internet buddies so well... cause they listen and dont judge like people i know do... thats a bit of a generalisation but its mostly true... people who know me are always judging me... and dont think that because you say things to people you trust that it doesn't come back to me in the end.. i know that things i say get back to other people and its the same coming back to me.. i dont really like these things but in the very worst circumstances they might be the only way... i do not like having to hear everyday glitches this way... what do people think i will do... get annoyed at them... lol... i am not a child... if people sincerely have a problem that is hurting them... not just a small annoyance that they want to change for the sake of it... then i will think about it and almost always change if i am not pushed... basically that is how i am... why cant people understand that
anyone would think i am being unfair to people... thats not how i am... i try to be fair to everyone... if other people cant understand that then they shouldn't bother talking to me... (sorry if that sounds blunt but thats how i feel and people should know it)
having say all that i think that most of my friends are wonderful and i hope they think that i am not such a bad friend either... i guess i am just tucked away in my corner and noone understands me so they treat me how they think everyone should be treated... thats not fair and i dont like it... if you make the effort to get to know me you will find out more... i guess that is what this is for... doing that... but even more than you can get from this you can get from getting to know me better in person (i know thats hard for internet buddies, i am talking more to people i know in person for a moment here)
most of communication is via sight and sound... if i get written messages it is not nearly as good... i know i know... i tend to like this method as well cause i can think about what i am saying more than i can in person... it is hard keeping up appearances to people in general...
well i hope that has been good... i might post on something less confronting later... for now... ciao!!
Places to go
07.11.04 (12:31 am) [edit]LOL... its not like im really busy. Well i am a bit but mainly i mean that i have so many things i could do and places that i could go but of course i am too lazy right now to do them. i would love to be able to say that i am not that lazy and that this was all a dream but it isn't.
I dont even know why i am trying to post right now. I am asleep. Will try to post an intelligent post tommorrow.. Give comments on the new structure and colours. Ignore the My Pics Section for now. Its just me experimenting. Im not the best artist around so just bear with me for a while.
*yawn*
well thats about all i can do for now. later...
importance of being clear AND concise
07.09.04 (3:49 pm) [edit]i actually have problems with both clarity and conciseness. as people will realise from looking through my many long blog entries, i have a habit of going on about things until i either get to the point where i can't say more or i have got myself muddled up.
as this is inevitably going to be a bit long i will say this now. i didn't get around to posting yesterday... too many comments to write and MSN group convos to follow. they were fun and entertaining. but anyway i will go on.
i wonder if the conciseness bit comes with time. does it take longer to come than my interesting writing skills. (hehe... thats ironic... and also assuming this stuff is interesting but thats not the point and i know it). i actually sat down and worked out that i have written approximately 150,000 words this year so far. Not bad since thats probably the same as i did in the first 20 years of my life combined. Why the sudden increase?? Well the culprit is my laptop. Class notes, lab reports, assignments, and the sacred diaries. And that was before i even got into tBLOG.
I haven't had to learn conciseness really. I had a 3500 word essay that went to 4000 words and could have gone further but i cut it back. What is wrong with me?? I dont know if there is anything wrong. I just like writing. I don't really like professional writing. Its too constrained. It is good to have to conform to standards for journals or newspaper writing but I also like to be free to write things how i would say them. Some would say that is not the way to go because people rely on having things done in certain ways to quickly understand what the article is about.
I say... Well i say what i want and those people should think twice before saying anything about my posting style. No names because noone has actually said anything. I thought i should clear things up because i am a little worried that if i don't at least tell people about it i might not understand it myself. There are alot of people who have mastered the art of clear and concise writing. I am not a fellow of that society yet!!! However I promise to try and think before i babble on about unrelated topics to my post subject.
The Weird and the Somewhat Strange
07.07.04 (8:12 pm) [edit]aka. A little about me!!!
I'm a 20 year old student studying Information Technology and Biomedical Science with a minor in Mathematics. That's just my course though. I hope that I am more than that. I plan to do a PhD in Neuropsychology. That's what I see as an area which I can give my attention to. I am currently doing research into the area. It isn't offered for me at an undergraduate level so I don't have a formal subject. Basically I have been reading as much as I can about it in journals that I can visit either free on the net or through my universities subscriptions.
I am a Seventh-day Adventist and have been since as far as I can remember. I have been questioning the things I was told at a young age and I am confident about many of them after years of not knowing whether what I believed in was actually based in anything. There are still lots of questions that need answering but they do not relate to my salvation or my basic faith so I am happy. Sure I could take anything back but I think the main ones are in place.
Going through my post and the comments I think that I am relatively confident that my religion isn't going to be as huge a hindrance to my science as I thought it was so far. I do believe in a literal creation because I see it as a totally integral part of my faith. I have lots of friends at uni who seem to question the bible in favour of the things they have found through models of the universe. I think that it is a bit silly to base the totality of your faith on a model which cannot be "proven," only demonstrated experimentally. And some of the models do not even do that. For instance I do not put my faith in a computer to take me to the right place through knowledge of its makeup. And if I was an electrical engineer and could test the circuits would I really have to go back through the process of how the board was made up to verify that it was actually in existence at that moment and that it acted how it did then. Or would they have to go back to the nature of the electron just to verify that electric signals were actually allowed to run as they do along the circuit board. No, I take a computer and use it, knowing what I need to know about software and typing to make up a blog about what I am doing. Seems logical, Right!!!
It is healthy to do this to a small extent but when it leaves you with two equally valid but opposing views what do you do. I try to reconcile them, and if that is not successful then I take the view then I take the view that is of most use to me. In the case above this is a theory which I have absolutely no proof for myself and which does not affect my salvation against one which I can put my faith fully in to secure my salvation.
Anyway, I diverge too easily. I was talking about my faith. Whats next??
Well a bit about my background would help.
I am the middle child in between three sisters, one older and two younger. My parents divorced when I was young and they have both remarried so I virtually have four families to deal with. That wouldn't be so bad but my parents have lots of brothers and sisters already and my step mum has lots of siblings too. I have so many aunts and uncles its not funny. Lots of people say their family reunions are big. I reckon mine would top most. And I wouldn't be getting to cousins of cousins just to get it there. It would still be on first cousin basis. I haven't met many of my second cousins but I think they are also quite numerous.
Having a family like this has advantages in a society like ours. It means I don't get lost somewhere without family. I have family pretty much everywhere. They really are everywhere. I could probably go anywhere that has a telephone and thered be a relation within a few hundred kilometres which is an achievement in Australia.
It is hard living in a broken family. I know that people will say that you have to get over your childhood and I agree with them but its not that easy. For fully ten years I have not even known what my own feeling were. Why I have only had one girlfriend? Why I have never been accepted into social circles because I always had to go and visit the "other parent" on weekends? Don't take me wrong there. That's not a bad thing. It was great to see them. I guess I never really had a social life and I can only think of one or two cases where I can actually complain but as a child these things stick with you. Why my friends never wanted to come around because we were always fighting and they hated what my sister did to them? Why other people snub me because they see me as a geek and a nerd (quite rightly I should say though)?
That may sound like I am actually asking for advice and sympathy. I am not. I get sympathy from my wonderful friends who I can't see right now because I am in my six week winter break. Don't worry guys!!! It'll be over before you know it and ill be back showing off as always!! ;)
Someone got me thinking about how they were surprised that her 18 year old bf had never had a gf before and that he hadn't even kissed anyone until her. I don't see this as so bad, although I am a slow learner, lol… or not as some would know. But from what she has told me about her bf, he is the same personality type as me INTJ, they are pretty much the most rare personality on the planet, second only to ENTJ. Basically INTJ means we are introverted shy abstract thinking and judging people. That combination isn't exactly the worlds best recipe for a friend. We are not even likely to meet someone like us until we get to uni. I did actually meet one I think, (not knowing exactly because I wasn't into typing back then). He wasn't exactly the best friend though.
And for those who have been asking about a place to do the test, the best one I have found is the Short Myers Briggs Test on SimilarMinds.com.
Anyway, in comparison I have found the world at uni. INTJ's rule my group of friends, and surprisingly so because we are all very argumentative in our different areas, we attract many other personality types as well. I guess I don't come out of my shell until I know whats outside. Unlike most of the others however who came out of their shells before uni, I am a late developer.
Well, that's another part of my story.
I love hiking in the bush, staying out at night just to stare at the stars in wonder, having arguments just for the sake of arguing (and other purposes occasionally), enjoying listening to music and dreaming about life in general, doing blogs and commenting, playing NationStates, getting to know friends better one on one when the opportunity arises and most importantly of all, Getting to know God better through everything I see and do.
I guess that is what I am like. Just an ordinary guy with an extraordinary amount of stuff bottled up waiting to come out!!
Tell me whatcha think guys!!
This is sooo what i am
07.06.04 (6:52 pm) [edit]
Just for fun...
Hecate
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
lifes little habits
07.05.04 (9:11 pm) [edit]how come we are consistently annoyed at people... its like something that even if they do change a bit we are still annoyed at them for nothing after that. i do not have the easiest time talking to people because they just have different views. however if someone can accept that i am not attacking them personally and they are genuinely listening to what i have to say i dont have any problems. i dont mind people disagreeing with me as long as they dont push their view on me and then go off sulking because i have held a "wrong" view or tried to defend my view.
in terms of personality types this mainly happens between myself and SJ types... particularly SFJ types... i pretty much have nothing in common with them. the fact that they make up a huge chunk of the population... somewhere around 20%... its scary that i cant get along with that many people straight off because of their views..
dont stress though... its not quite that bad... i do get along with them... i just cant express myself properly to them because they have no chance of understanding given the way they use information.
im happy though. most of my friends and associates aren't like that... i just have parents like that... i do get on with them when i try really hard but its not the way it has to be.. sometimes i can get along with them... i think that it has a lot to do with other things as well.. like for instance how many people are around and what type they are.. this is the way for many people as well. particularly NF cholerics...
maybe i have gone too far with this personality type thing without really looking at why my relationships are so rocky... then again i think that there are some really good insights and I can learn from these things. i think i am much more forgiving of mistakes now i know i am such an abstract person than before.
the tricky bit comes convincing other people of this. although some people have known exactly what they have to do to get me to talk to them for years and they have consistently ignored me. then they wonder why they have a slightly different attitude during the last few months and i suddenly accept them (if even only for a few days or hours at a time)
there are things that possibly cannot be changed. the particular person i am talking about hasn't actually changed the way that they think. i have just been writing thousands of words in my diaries and on here to get over my grievances. i am not someone who gets over grievances by telling the person first. i try to get over it in my head first and then tell them. well i tell them what i am thinking and then what they have to do if they listen hard enough but they are usually in the middle of being angry at me so it doesn't sink in.
maybe i should get over my annoyances.. thats not so easy... lets put it another way... maybe i shouldn't let myself be annoyed so easily by things that aren't actually life-threatening. :lol:
i guess that people who are reading this may be coming at this from their personal perspective and history on life and they may not agree with what i have said.. i invite comments... anything is better than trying to decipher my own thoughts... i hope to have some help with that... thanks
my faith opposing my science
07.04.04 (10:10 am) [edit]this is one of the biggest battles that i have faced lately.
on one hand i have faith which is based in historically knowing Christ came and lived and was not a maniac and he must have believed absolutely completely in what he did. Otherwise he would not have been able to go through with it. thats just not human what happened to him. i have set it in concrete that he did actually come so that cascades its way down into my life and its all good. (when i was a child it used to be a blind faith because i didn't have a chance to experience it, now its a very visual experience)
it should be easy to combine this with the rest of my life. (everything else is pretty easy to combine anyway) but its not really....
then there is science. it is really really hard to reconcile the two. i first really got into this in grade 12 when i had to do a study of religion topic reconciling evil and hate to God and love. i am not sure that i got anywhere right then but it definitely started me thinking that something must be up in the universe.. how can diametrically opposed things coexist everywhere in the universe.
science really gets tough when you have to deal with the evidence. i have been given numerous opinions that macro-evolution (evolution from now on) is unscientific according to the criteria for a valid scientific theory (theory being unproved obviously). then the same people say that creation is valid scientifically. that is more where i get stuck than agreeing that evolution isn't. creation requires a huge amount of faith.
just to put it in perspective i think that this page puts it in perspective what has happened in the last few years
Scientific Criteria
i just changed my mind on whether i want to continue this post. it seems so obvious that evolution doesn't have any traditional "facts" attached to it so it should be taken off the list.
i really got into this discussion a few days ago when a few people seemed to have a distorted view on life, almost accepting without questioning. anyway, that debacle is recounted below in an earlier post.
i dont think that is too bad now.
i guess thats that. i will agree with creation and my faith is intact without having to worry about conflict. nah... that definitely seems to simple... and its not like me to leave something just like that. its likely that i will come back to this one again and recount it the next time someone challenges me on it.
nice hot waffles await.. they are calling me.. i know it... :D
a good day out
07.03.04 (11:19 pm) [edit]we went to church today, that was pretty cool. it was a new style church for me. it really appealed to me... infact see their website here they have some nice stuff in there
Burwood Adventist Community Church
Check it out sometime!! Rodney Woods took the talk on the importance of the Sabbath. Actually he only got through a half of his planned talk. And that was only the first of three talks on the topic so feel free to drop in next week to find out what else he will be saying on the topic. LOL... just a shameless plug for a church i have only been to once ever..
Anyway that was a great morning. Lunch was also very good. A huge plate of nachos. That certainly does things for you. Anyway, after that we decided to drive up into the mountains to check out what the Victorian Highlands have to offer. Apparently there was more than the cold. i didn't notice. I took my laptop to type out my private journal.. which wasn't actually so private today so i may post it sometime. it takes too much effort to get it off my laptop right now though.
it was mostly about how i think some choleric types should just lay off and stop pushing their wills on people without being able to listen when people tell them what they think as well. in short i think i may have gone a bit too far on the journal.. but then again what else is new. just look down this page to see me going too far and barely (i hope) keeping on track with what i want to say with each one.
its a hard thing to keep myself on one train of thought for two long. everything in my head is interrelated in some way. some of the ways are exceedingly twisted and would not be fit for description so they have to be weeded out in the process of putting words on the page so to speak.
well thats about all that i have right now in terms of a creative and intelligible log of my thoughts and activities for the third day of July in the year of our Lord two thousand and four
lucky lucky sabbath
07.03.04 (8:45 am) [edit]what would i do without a time off from everything i call life. it would be hard indeed. thats not the only thing that would be affected though. i find that i can actually work better on six days and a sabbath then if i work over seven days or six days and another day off. thats not so unexpected though. i believe that we need recharging. in this case it obviously physical recharge but also social recharge and emotional recharge.
many children go to church just for the social event and i dont criticise this as long as they dont disturb the astmosphere with noisy antics. i know i used to and i now understand why people got annoyed at me. my attitude has changed. i think that it is good to encourage attendance even just for this. kids are like any other person, they dont like feeling like they have been pushed into something. human nature i guess!!!
mmm... well time is of the essence but there are still some who are preparing so we wont be going yet. its also interesting to know that people are not always as they seem. some of the most "devout" christians are infact fakes. this is sad and i think that we should pray that the holy spirit would come to these people to convince them of their fakeness. this is not for people to do. obviously they know about the message. they dont need talking to in this way. they need friendships yes but not counselling. this is hard for many people who are natural counsellors. they are not always able to resist.
inevitably these people are viewed as hypocrits because noone is perfect. i guess you could say that for anyone but i think there is a special significance when people are being told for the first time that the person telling is humble and simply presenting the truth. no matter how hard someone tries to replicate this with people who have "fallen away", there is always the thought that they are better than them in some way. this is totally not true. we are all as filthy rags.. none of us are any dirtier than the rest. and none of us are any cleaner than the rest. we need Christs' wedding garment to make us pleasurable to the Lord. that is we need to come to the Lord claiming Jesus' death on the cross.. and that is our salvation.. end of story... anyway thats the end of this little blog.
God bless!!
crazy crazy friday night
07.02.04 (11:14 pm) [edit]whats with crazy nights. some people think that full moons make people go crazy. i dont really subscribe to that theory but i do enjoy being crazy for a bit every now and again. I have heard of people like me who have the same problems. they have to lock themselves away in their rooms, mostly so that they can be on their own.
its a typical thing for me in particular to need my time alone. this week i haven't really had that. i had it a bit last night but i have been around people constantly for ages. like even an hour of two every now and again helps. it is hard being in a house of people who are not like that though. they all want to have conversations with me and stimulate my interests. its a good intellectual exercise though, however stressful it is on my emotional self. i do want to gradually develop myself to be a more smooth personality type. I have a lot wrong with me which either avoids conflict or causes conflict with people that is not warranted.
i dont really listen to girls enough, i mean i do when i am serious but there are very few girls who are on my wavelength enough for me to be serious, and the usual thing when i find people on my wavelength is to let myself out, for people that know me, thats my crazy side showing through. I didn't develop as a child properly and there are lots of parts of me that are still extremely childish.
because of this childish behaviour i rarely get into serious discussions with people. i guess its that and people dont generally come to me for advice because i do not have enough experience in emotional type things to be able to give advice. i mostly go to others for advice or they see that i need advice and gently give it to me. thats cool. when people know me that well that they know exactly when to give advice and when not to give it.
i also rarely get into discussions because i am so sharp with people in the way i put my opinions across. i do infact feel deeply for people. the reason i am so sharp is that i think of peoples ideas on a stricly knowledge level with no emotional attachments. it is perfectly natural to get emotional about things though so this is a bad theory and it quite adequately describes why i am not the best person to come for in times of need.
if people come on an emotional level and confront me though i freeze up. i hate being confronted. my fears take ages to get over. i have fears of talking about my life to people. i have fears of talking to people about my relationships. i have fears of people hurting me again. i have fears of people hurting themselves because of me. i have fears of people taking advantage of me and that i wont realise it if it happens. fears are the most powerful things i know. jody told me that fear was a primal driving force and i wasn't being very mature. (as people like me do i went off on my prepared speech) i tried to sidetrack the situation down to greed being a primal motivator but i am not so sure about this and what she said after this made me think. there aren't many girls that dont get annoyed when i start talking about stuff like this. i congratulate and highly respect the few who dont though, you are AWESOME!!! i might not be able to survive without these infrequent yet VERY powerful talks.
i do not like it that i cant see these people enough in general, there are a few at college who i can talk to. one, jody left though so that is one that i cant talk to anymore. the others are still there and they are really cool about it. i dont know if all of them realise what an influence they have on me. i am not at all good at affirmation. I would just LOVE to say that you are THE BEST, SAVE NONE!! wow... thats another fear that i am confronting. i just wish that i will be that good in person. i am very nervous in public though. most people are out there and everyone can see what they are thinking. it is not NEARLY as easy to see for me. contrary to what many girls think. most guys just dont bother to try and understand me and thats fine. i change alot.
:D actually i go like this :oops: after a while and then i become like this... anyway thats enough of that.
i was thinking about what i am doing wrong sometimes. i dont know exactly. i do not match with most people. the number of people who i have seriously clicked with in the world is a very small number. the number who know this are probably even less. i think i have let about two of them know. this is a pretty low stat since most of the population seem to find these people all the time, fall in love and then fall out of love just as quick. i dont want to fall into anything, let alone love. i dont necessarily want to control what i am doing more than at least know about it enough to know that i cant control it but that it is happening. i do not like things happening that i cant recognise. i guess my hormones are an aspect of this but there are ways even of recognising the effect of hormones in everything.
the most wonderful experience is to be able to have someone who can understand what you are going to say before you say it and you actually have to be careful how much you say because they begin to correct you based on what they think that you should have said. if they really click then it is very likely that they will think this. i used to think that this had to be on an intellectual level and these people had to understand the way that i think and be able to predict intellectually what i will say.
i don't think this is true anymore. i think that it is perfectly feasible that a person (perhaps more than one) can click with me and understand me without trying at all. it may just be based on prior conversations but i think that the timeframe is not long at all before they will be able to know if it is right. anyway, i also wish that it happened outside of family. then i might know from an outsiders perspective what to think about this. thats a really sad fact that i wont be able to deal with for a little while. ii will remember for the next time it happens though. everyone says that you just have to wait and the person will come. i wonder if thats just because for some people there are way way too many people out there who are likely to be in that category. for me its no where near as many as that. i like to flirt with girls though even if i know that they are not like that. to my knowledge, and thats not very good, i only do this with girls who do it to other guys themselves. this is the only way that i have of telling if i am leading them into anything. as i said before i dont have many emotional discussions so i am blind as to what the leading signs are. which is complicated in itself because most of these things happen whether i like them to happen or not and there aren't always other close friends around to get second opinions on. this may be one reason (and as a disclaimer, i am saying that i do not profess to know anything about girls here, too many girls get annoyed at me if i dont make those declarations) anyway, this may be one reason that girls tend to talk about relationships so much. because they know that they are not the best people to observe these things and friends who also saw it are better than they are for good comments. i mean hormones are wonderful things because the world just wouldn't gel without them but they are something that should not be used as a signal because they are totally blind.
i believe that when most people say they "fall" in love, its just their hormones going. true that many many couples have long standing marriages from moments like this and this is likely to be how it is for me in the end but it is unlikely they had not fell instantly in love with someone before in their life, only to discover that it wasn't going to work soon after when the initial hormone rush wore off. i dont want a hormone rush to be all their is to love when i have it for good.
on that tiny piece of wisdom i should go to bed because i need to be up early tommorrow!! NIGHT!!
early morning madness
07.02.04 (9:23 am) [edit]why do i get up so early... everyone else is relaxing in bed i assume. haven't heard from them yet anyway.. dad doesn't have to work today so we are supposed to be going out sometime... dont know when that will actually happen. i suppose that someone else will wake everyone up so we can get going soon. anyway in the meantime i am trying to work out what i am going to do for the next few weeks that wont leave me absolutely totally bored.
mmm... thats a question for the Boring Insitute i think. which reminds me... i should get that updated sometime... thats a task that could take a few minutes...
anyway, its interesting that some right wing activists have tried to replace the google bomb on george bush with michael moores site. what kind of a comparison is that. i mean... miserable failure??? doesn't really sound like moore to me. what has he done that has been a failure. protecting his country from its own politicians. protecting democracy by trying to keep the florida elections fair this time, which is an interesting point because it seems they are pulling the same trick twice, right under peoples noses too.
well i should go and eat now that people have arisen from their beds. laterz
peaceful living (dont quote me... im a goose at this)
07.01.04 (8:29 pm) [edit]i have never got the point of peaceful living. my homes haven't been very peaceful so i dont have much experience in this. but i was thinking lately and this is what i basically thought about... WARNING!!! this could get long and twisted but i'll do my best.
Does a peaceful home have to have a leader! What do leaders do. they go around telling people what to do. This seems like it is going to create problems fast, and it can if they are not careful. A good leader listens more than they talk. This is a hard thing for a leader since they are used to being heard more than not. How do leaders learn to listen. Well i am going to fall back on personality types here to stereotype a typical leader... They are typically a choleric, which translates to an NF personality in Myers-Briggs. This means that they are typically a person who trusts their intuition and relies on their mind to form abstract pictures of a world that is essentially foreign to their thought patterns.
Most people get over this problem by thinking harder about what they are saying. Abstract thoughts mostly have concrete covers. That is to say, communication by abstract people is put under an arbitrary concrete setting which illustrates a point. The arbitrarity is something that quite often causes conflicts. A "smart alec" picks up on this quickly and causes a nuisance of themselves by picking this concrete problem to bits, ignoring the abstract ideas below the surface.
I have always been one of these smart alecs. I love to pick people arguments to bits. Class mates from school would be familiar with this. It is viewed as being a nuisance though and does not gain a good reputation. Thats the story of my life though. I have recently been labelled in many different places as "argumentative" and rather sadly they say i dont even realise when i am doing it. This is sad as i do not like to be called this but i know it is the truth and i want to improve.
Well, if you are still around reading this you will probably be saying, why didn't he just come out and say that in the first place!!! I guess i wanted to give myself an introduction more than anything. Im an ego freak as my friends will quickly agree to. newayz...
I do not have a good time with authority, of most types anyway, if i have respect for someone then its not so bad but there are numerous groups around that i do not respect because they have not respected me in the past. This list includes people from school bullies & rotten teachers to parents & civil authorities. :cry: ...... well thats enough of my healing process for now.
I think i will stay the same.. how about that for a conclusion... nah just kidding, i really do want to understand what makes leaders so rough on people like me.
The obvious disloyalty is just a symptom of something more deep in my mind. I think that trust has a big part in it. I do not trust the people who dont respect me. I dont trust many "friends" though and i still respect them, well most of the time anyway. I think that it may be different for everyone... nahh... thats another cop-out... :lol:
A major factor has got to be the level of understanding of a leader of individuality. On a related topic, army discipline is great at gaining order but is there really a respect and trust for leaders who abuse their power. No.. and that may actually be my point. Abuse of power could be the biggest factor in a lack of peace (lol, finally quoting the title of the post again!!!)
Bullies have a position of being powerful just by their size usually, they are the big boys on campus!!! (to put it into uni terms)
Teachers have the power to fail kids and make them repeat!!! (actually a very regular abuse of power)
Parents have absolute power of a kid just on the fact that kids depend on parents for most if not all of their needs. Physical and Mental... (granted that sometimes the abuse of power in this context is sometimes due to lacking in the parents upbringing or even their adult life)
Civil authorities (most notably the police) are a bad one here. If unregulated or corruptly regulated this can easily be the worst one of the lot. Even if they are not corrupt problems can occur if people are framed into things and opinions are turned against the defendant. I haven't really had a run in with the police but people are always threatening me with abuse of the civil rights for some reason or another. can't tell why... i just love to argue... that should be a civil right too... but NOOO thats not good enough for mister police PERSON... just to be politically correct, even though its usually a lady backed up by a 2 ton monster of a male. Anyway, thats one result of not having a peaceful upbringing, it continues in the end.
Back to my point though, abuse of power creates distrust which leaves resent. Resentment causes distrust. For some this is a quiet type of inner distrust that only surfaces after many many abuses of power. This type is the group i think that belong to. Lately i have been letting my anger out in different ways, i still haven't built up to confrontations with my fears but i am getting there. I even hate it when others confront each other. Most people are used to confrontations and take them well. Frankly i am about as big a goose at confrontations as there is.
Put me in a room with someone who genuinely wants to make something right and I will likely bang my head against the wall till they say they are sorry for trying... nah, its not quite that bad but i feel as if i am being pushed into these kinds of situations so i put up defences. Now, believe me, as i said before about my argumentative side, these defences have to be good to withstand the stuff the withstand. Accompanied by a good sword called wit and they form a hard combination for even the toughest love to penetrate.
This may be why i dont get close to many people as well. For peaceful living everyone needs to be close to someone to let out their passions and agressions in a safe way. Agressions that simmer will eventually reach boiling point. These kind of agressions are the worst kind. They form "complexes" and the like and should be well avoided if possible.
Too bad i didn't understand that when i was younger. It would have saved me a lot of trouble with many different groups.
Anyway, bringing this all together (hopefully)
Choleric parents are not necessarily so bad, they should be aware of individual needs and be a sensitive person that children can come to when they have conflicts such as with the other authorities described. Genuine apologies should never be joked about (as insensitive parents tend to do) A respect can be found in many ways but i believe that the most peaceful ways are the best. Any other way is too likely to generate confusion and have negative effects on the child overall.
As always, i hope this can help someone in whatever they need by understanding that people who have been through abuses can see that there are ways out of the cycle. If this helps one person it will be worth it. I just wonder how big my reader base is so far. I guess that it is in archives for people to browse at their leisure (or boredom, whichever the case may be).
Well this may not be the most typical way to blog but its my way. thats what i like to do.. i might be back later with a light-hearted comment on something else i see tonight.
Laterz!!!
:D
